Sunday, July 30, 2006

geeks and nerds

nerds are cool, because they're helpful with their brainy inventions. Everyone intuitively loves nerds. Even jocks love nerds. Nerds do the jocks lab report and in return the jock helps the nerd get some chicks.

But geeks suck. Geeks take nerdy things and ruin them. Star Trek TOS (TOS is how geeks refer to star trek, the original series. it stands for "The old shit") was written by nerds who wanted to make commentary on moral dilemmas and ethics and how it relates to you, the viewer, in your every day life and society. I saw one episode of TOS where these aliens were having a war totally on computers because it was too expensive to have a real war and when the computers say you've been killed you gotta go disintegrate yourself. Think about the morals n shit, eh. Would you be able to kill yourself cause a computer told you so? It's the only episode of TOS I've ever watched.

Then the geeks took over and made new star treks. But geeks are so stupid. Now star trek is about stupid shit like romulans and bjorins or klingons and romulans. or stupid relationships. Man, I dont care if worf is dating councillor troy and what effect that has on "number one" Riker. who cares if crisco's son wants to be a journalist? star trek is stupid anyway, just get on with the metaphor and simile's. fuck.

you know those geeks that can speak klingon? think about all the time they spent learning klingon. what a fucking waste of time. a nerd wouldve used that time to read about calculas or philosophy, then help the needy with his new knowledge. geeks are even dumb when they think they're being smart.

science fiction used to be about the science in the fiction. but now its about fiction with spaceships and stupid aliens. "the alien has four eyes and armour class -1. Ooooooh science fiction!". fucking geeks man. unbelievable.

Remember that game you used to play, Wolfenstein 3D, made by some nerds? well you've still been playing it for over 10 years now. Ya, cause DOOM, FEAR, Half Life, etc are just new levels of the same old game. Cause you're still running and shooting in the exact same way. The geeks struck again while you werent looking and used their geek mind tricks to make you think "story" and "characters" and "cinematics" equal "new game". Geeks are so stupid, they dont realize a game is contextless. Look in the basketball rulebook, I bet you wont see "Michael Jordan" or "Shaq" in there. Chess, the wicked game of nerds doesnt need characters. Unless you play "geek chess", where all the pieces look like characters from star wars. fucking geeks, I hate geeks!

my wicked opinion on geeks: their lives suck so much that they want to live vicariously through made up shit. they probably suck at sports, school, and life in general. But calling geeks stupid will probably make them even lamer. Its good to help people. The next time you see a geek, try to encourage them to be proactive. encourage them to join some athletics or a club of some kind (but like, not a geek club!). tell them they're "pretty good" and "geting better" even if they suck shit. a shitty basketball player is way better than a shitty star trek writer.

Thursday, July 27, 2006

superman? more like shitty-idiot

Superman sucks and I'll tell you why. He's way too super. Like, check out this list of stuff he can do that I just thought of, off the top of my head:
  • faster than a speeding train
  • more powerful than a bullet
  • able to leap tall buildings (wait, this changed. apparently people didn't think he was "super" enough already. now he can fly indefinately)
  • shoot lasers from his eyes
  • see through anything
  • hurricane breath
  • turn back time through totally unscientific means
  • totally invulnerable
  • impervious to death
why do I care about this character? how do tales of his exploits benefit me in my every day life? I watched "Superman Returns" and a bunch of episodes of Justice League and the only message I gather from this guy's stories is "Look how awesome I am. Dont you wish you were me? too bad, because you're not from krypton. Just give up now cause you're regular and will never be able to achieve anything special". Thanks a lot Superman. My highschool guidence counciller could've told me that.

whats that you say? he's not totally invulnerable? something called kryptonite? well whoop dee fucking doo, he's vulnerable to kryptonite. Like what, it makes him all sick n shit? well hey , here's an idea for you superman - use your fucking brain. Superman is so stupid man, omg. Ive never seen him once plan ahead and arrive prepared, like a responsible crime fighter. He just jumps in everywhere, like the guy everyone hates at a party that thinks he's hilarious for wearing a tshirt that says "I love tits". Superman's only weakness is kryptonite. he knows it. And not just that, but he knows that everyone else knows. Why does he keep falling victim to it? What's he thinking? "Oh geez!.... fuck!....I forgot man....Shit, not again!...dammit!". Like, write it on your hand "kryptonite BAD!" or something you idiot. like, holy shit.

Spoilers: People subconsciously know Superman is shitty. Thats why Superman stories have to be totally filled with all sorts of secondary story. In Superman Returns, Superman is the father of Louis Lane's son. We're supposed to feel happy about this at the end of the movie. But how does his son feel that his deadbeat dad was gone for five years? He may be a "super man", but he's also a shitty father.

Pop quiz: What relevence does his alter ego of Clark Kent still preserve? clark kent to superman is like the "Pause" key on your keyboard - totally useless. So why keep up the charade of clark kent?
My theory: Because if he tells anyone clark kent and superman are one in the same, they'll be like "so what the hell are you doing here in this stupid building? go help someone you idiot! You can do ANYTHING! Just be superman all the time retard!". He's realized that he's dug himself in a huge hole by being Clark Kent this long, so now he has no choice but to continue being clark kent. otherwise everyone will realize how super-shitty he is (unless you're reading this wicked blog, in which case it's too late).