Monday, August 14, 2006

the history of shitty music

Music videos are so stupid. If you enjoy watching music videos you should think about making some life changes.

It's an awesome fact that MTV killed music. Check out this list of wicked albums that came out in 1980. What a wicked year. But then MTV came in 1981 and ruined everything. Suddenly appearances are important and people saw how ugly guys like Tony Iommi and Angus Young really were. Sissy losers who can't sing or play guitar now have a way of becoming famous - by making a stupid video. This marks the beginning of stupid shit like "hair metal", "boy bands", "hip-hop moguls" and "the triple threat diva".

Music used to be about the music. But then it became about "media consumption". The product is the "the artist". The commerical is the music video. It's selling you the fantasy of living the the artists desirable lifestyle. Dont you wish you were P-Diddy? You'd get to drive nice cars with hoes in them and always dress in white suites. Your life is a pile of ass next to his. But hey, if you buy some "sean jean" clothes you'll be a little more like him.

This is why good bands always have shitty ass videos - all they know about is making good songs. Any video will only take away from the awesomeness of the song.

trick question: how can a video capture the awesomeness of "Run To The Hills"?
answer: it cant. thats why the video is a ridiculous mix of Maiden on stage and funny stock footage. There's no point in trying to make a good video because music videos are stupid, so this is all you get...

It's like watching a movie and afterwards saying "the book was better". This is my favourite music video.

All is not lost. It's my wicked opinion that music has already gotten better and the trend will continue. And thats because of the internet. Grandma can go online and download Jukebox Hero by Foreigner and email it to her grandchild. And grandchild will hear that one guitar and buy a beat up six string from a secondhand store. He doesn't know how to play it, but he know's for sure...

this blog is like a piece of iron

I just reread my last post and it was pretty crappy. It's my resolution for the end of august to make less crappy posts and to have more wicked opinions and awesome facts.

Its an awesome fact that a new rocky movie is coming out, and it's going to be called "Rocky Balboa". This is interesting because I thought for sure they would have called it "Rocky 6".

I always thought the Rocky saga came to its logical conclusion with the story of Tommy "The Machine" Gunn in Rocky 5. One thing I dont get though, didn't the characters in the movie realize that his name "Tommy Gunn" was already a stupid pun? They probably thought they were being really smart by giving him that nickname, when they were actually being really dumb. Thats how it usually goes with dumb people I guess.

It's my wicked opinion that Rocky 4 we the best Rocky. Here is the best scene. When Ivan Drago says "he is like a piece of iron" I get goosebumps, everytime.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

too angry/boring - also dogs

my last two posts were way too long and angry. It's my resolution for the month of august to make shorter and more positive blogs.

It's my wicked opinion that pets shouldnt be neutered, but instead given vesectomies. I did some googling and found this article. They list reasons why it's probably a bad idea though, like the extra cost of vesectomies, your pet getting diseases, and peeing and still having sex.

This article is full of bullcrap and I'll tell you why. Because it's an awesome fact that a dog is a mans best friend and if my best friend wants to mount that bitch and tap dat ass, I think he should. You shouldnt try to change things just for your own selfishness, like saving a couple bucks. Accept your horny dog for who he is. He brings you your slippers and protects your kids even when they pull his tail like bratty little jerks. He's totally earned the right to pee around your house - just like any other of your stupid drunk friends. And if he's fighting for breeding "rights", then neutering him takes away those rights and taking away rights is un-American.

I also think dogs would take the of risk getting diseases like testicle cancer. Cause you know who else had testicle cancer? Lance Armstrong. And he won seven tour de france's AND has sex with sheryl crow. What's your ball-less dog done lately? Probably sitting around, thinking "why dont I have balls?"

Its my wicked opinion that the real issue here is people just dont wanna see dirty sex, be it human or animalae. People keep anthropomorphisizing things, putting their emotional hangups on animals. I bet the guy who invented neutering had some fancy female poodle that "mated" with a stray mutt and it totally reminded him of his inability to satisfy his wife. But guess what mister fancy pants? Foo-Foo totally loved it and probably couldnt wait to get some more. And that mutt was probably Benji. He needed the touch of a warm bitch so that he could continue with his heroic deeds and heartwarming adventures.

dammit this is too long and boring.